Thursday, May 17, 2012
Poison and Healing
My ongoing histamine reaction just won't go away. I chewed two Benadryl earlier in order to stop the swelling in my lips and neck, I think that's bad, This has been going on for years.
I used to think I'm allergic to everything but today I realized I'm not. We're just poisoning ourselves. Poison is everywhere; it's in our food, medicine, earth, water and air. I know it, hell everybody knows it. So why am I confused and cheesed off that my body is not functioning properly? Why am I surprised?
Toxic thoughts flood my system as well. War is hell.
I call Dora. I can hear her navigating her big orange truck through the tiny coral street of Key West as she listens. She says Yep when I talk about how we've poisoned ourselves. And she says Oh Yeah when I tell her I better get my thoughts right, that the first step in healing myself is to get back to praying every morning, before my children get up, to cleanse my thoughts of negativity because right now I feel stuck and swollen and desperate and afraid.
When I go outside first thing in the morning and pray, everything is better. The veil lifts between our world and the Spirit world. Shimmers.
Why do I not do this, I ask her. Why do I not take care of myself?
Our relationship with ourselves just like our relationships with other people, she says. We have to work on it every day, like we work on our relationships with everybody else but yeah, if i forget to do it, everything gets really fuzzy and out of focus. Life gets blurry around the edge if I"m not doing what I need to do to take care of myself.
She yells Hi! out her truck window to someone on the street. I wonder if that person knows how lucky they are to live on the little island and be able to see her drive by.
I need to constantly work at connecting, grounding myself into the earth she says, and then I say, 'oh yeah, that's right. I have this body.' But even then, sometimes I'm chemically, hormonally in a place where even that doesn't make everything all better.
Dora is clearly further along than I am, and not by accident. She's been working hard at creating the exact kind of life she wants. She makes a living doing what she loves, is deeply committed to organic, vegetarian foods, sustainable living and healing. She inspires me. I miss her horribly.
I know I have to cleanse my thoughts, cleanse my body, heal myself. My Elders say it is the our job as women to heal ourselves, to heal our family, then our community and finally help the living, breathing Earth heal herself. Today I'm still stuck at healing myself.
Dora is leaps and bounds ahead of me. I'm a baby, working so hard to toddle to me feet while she grows weary of flying.