So, my husband had an affair. Ran off with some piece of shit he worked with. In fact, he brought her into our house while I was gone with the kids.
As soon as I came home, I knew there'd been another woman in my house. How? Because it's my house.
It was brutal. I threw all of his stuff out on the front lawn, called the police screaming that they better get over here because I didn’t know what was going to happen.
I’ll never forget that cop asking, M’am? Are there any weapons in the house?
I’M THE WEAPON, I screamed into the phone. NOW GET OVER HERE.
Of course by the time they arrived, things were much calmer. The neighbor kid had come over and stood glaring at my husband. I'll stay right here until you tell me you're okay, he said.
My husband picked up his clothes, guitars, shoes and anything else I could throw out our front door, and left. Then my neighbor kid said to me, you know you did the right thing?
I did? I said.
Yes you did, he said, taking a long pull from his American Spirit. Cause he was thinking with what’s between his legs and that’s all cool and shit, till you see your brown leather jacket laying in the front yard.
This from a 21 year old kid. Brilliance.
I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t drive, work or parent. And I had to see him just about every day because this it was summertime and we didn’t have money for childcare, so we swapped the kids often.
He moved 8 blocks away, took up with his new love and the two of them paraded around my neighborhood living it up. I had anxiety attacks every time I left my house. I had anxiety attacks thinking about leaving my house.
I woke up every morning with a crushing weight on my chest. I went to sleep that way too. But as time passed, I trained myself to refocus my thoughts away from him and her, and start sorting out how to take back my life.
Right after I busted him I remember thinking, “what kind of woman do I want to be?” I knew that right then was the time to make that happen.
I knew what I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be a victim. I didn't want to run after a man who obviously didn't want me.
And I knew I didn’t want to spend any more time than necessary feeling unloved. Unworthy. I've done enough of that. I wanted to take back my life.
So that’s what I did. I stepped out of the victim role. I became the kind of woman I want to be.
I fixed my life. And so can you.